Being through it myself, but also watching others on their journey, it's easy to enter the blame phase in healing. I firmly believe it is important to understand our past and understand how our environment and caretakers impacted our development, beliefs, and behaviors. And let's be honest, they say parenting doesn't come with a handbook for a reason - nobody knows how to do it right, hence a negative lasting impact on their children.
There is grief that comes over you when you realize what you never really had and realize all the ways your current beliefs and behaviors are negatively impacted based on what you saw and experienced. It's the idea of never having a "shot" of being different, experiencing healthier, and having different.
The thing is, understanding how our past impacts our present is important, but not for blame or to be a victim of our current behavior because, let's face it...
You're an adult today!
You are in control over your decisions.
You may not have the tools to do it differently, but you are accountable for what you say, do, and believe.
But acknowledging how your past programmed you today is for understanding, learning, and being accountable in realizing that "I want to do (insert behavior) differently!"
At a certain point in your healing and process of grief, there comes a phase, should you work towards it, to empowerment. It’s about understanding that you can do things differently; while it may be difficult and extremely uncomfortable, you are capable of changing the trajectory of your life and relationships.
So sure, you weren't taught how to do things in a healthier way, but you were taught what you don't want to experience again.
There is beauty in that. You just have to choose to find it.
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